Chapter 29

…two biggest assets

Ronnie Thelman: I’ve been tossing and turning in my sleep, and this blanket is very, very itchy. Could you please take it away? If that’s not too much trouble.

(She pulls away blanket, his d*ck is out)

Flight Attendant: Of course. OH!

Ronnie Thelman: Oh, a stowaway.

He’s a big boy, huh? I probably should have bought him another seat.

Flight Attendant: Maybe I should call the pilot.

Ronnie Thelman: Well, I don’t think he wants to meet him.

I’ve noticed you haven’t asked me to put him back in his crib.

Flight Attendant: What are you doing?

Ronnie Thelman: I’m writing down my number.

Flight Attendant: Don’t bother. I’m not going to call you.

Ronnie Thelman: No, no, no. This is my bank balance. Now you’ve seen my two biggest assets.

If you don’t mind, I’d like you to go to the bathroom and get yourself prepared. If that’s fine with you. Thank you again for being so helpful.

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…object to this divorce

Kenny Powers: Order in the court! I object to this divorce!

Lawyers, you’ve done a magnificent job of helping me buttf*ck my wife in this settlement.

But your services are no longer needed. Effective immediately, you’re all fired.

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…special place in hell

Kenny Powers: Get those motherf*ckin’ attaches outta here!

There’s a special place in hell for guys like you.

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…my muscles

Kenny Powers: Please remove your black Wilson leather jackets and place them on the floor.

You all behold this. These were my muscles.

And look at them now. Just cheap black tee shirts.

You’re fired. Get the f*ck outta here.

True change. We’re all capable of it.

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…Ellen DeGeneres and Ryan Seacrest

Ronnie Thelman: I want you to be the next Ellen DeGeneres.

Kenny Powers: Well, she’s pretty dope, but she’s a lesbian.

Ronnie Thelman: I know she’s a lesbian. I was in the meeting when we decided she should be one.

And I was in the meeting when we decided Ryan Seacrest should be straight.

Kenny Powers: That was a good call.

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…willy off

Ronnie Thelman: Any of you girls good with children?

Great, this is Jerome he’s 13 years old.

Do you mind taking him to the other room and f*cking his willy off?

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…Down Syndrome

Kenny Powers: Dude, what about the story, dude? Didn’t it connect for you?

Stevie Janowski: Kenny it’s all voice overs.

Show, don’t tell, that’s the golden rule.

Kenny Powers: Jesus Christ, dude. I think that gunshot wound gave you Down Syndrome.

You need to work on your communication skills with auteurs, ok?

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…Siskel and Ebert

Stevie Janowski: The ending, it could have been so much stronger if…

Kenny Powers: Goddamn. You injure your f*ckin’ jaw and suddenly you’re Roger Ebert.

Stevie Janowski: I’m more Gene Siskel.

Filed under: Chapter 29, Stevie Janowski Quotes Season 4


Stevie Janowski: Hey, you want some vicodin?

Kenny Powers: Yeah, sure. I’ll take one.

Stevie Janowski: Kenny Jr, bring daddy his pills.

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…testicular cancer

Kenny Powers: I come in peace, Guy. I bring good news.

Guy Young: Oh yeah? Well unless that good news is that you have testicular cancer, I don’t give a rat’s ass.

Kenny Powers: I don’t have cancer in my balls guy.

But I do have a brand new television show.

Guy Young: Oh, goddammit. What are you trying to do to me Kenny, huh?

You just trying to twist the knife in my back?

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