…forward

Kenny Powers: Some say change is the hardest thing in the world.

They say that who ever you are, you’re stuck bein’ that person until you’re dead.

The transformation from worm to butterfly is nature’s ultimate metamorphosis.

The change into your ultimate self is easy when there’s no other option. You look back at the past, at the man you were. You’re like ‘man, f*ck that little bitch. F*ck that bitch ass life.’

Then you peer into the future’s midst, and you get just a glance at the future you. All strong and rich, gettin’ your f*ckin’ come up. And you’re like ‘ah, hell yeah. That’s the motherf*ckin’ man I’m becomin’. That’s the f*ckin’ man I wants to be.’

Cause a real man knows there’s only one direction to face. And that’s f*ckin’ forward.

…bold chin

Stevie Janowski: Don’t hog the sneeze, bro. Let me in there.

Kenny Powers: Get in there motherf*cker, come on. Damn.

(Stevie snorts a line)

Oh, disgusting dude. You got your chin in it.

Stevie Janowski: Oh, I’m sorry man. I’m still tryin’ to figure out these dimensions.

Kenny Powers: That is a pretty bold chin.

Stevie Janowski: Better be bold. It cost me 50 G’s for this motherf*cker.

…Christmas bonus

Kenny Powers: Christmas bonus?

Stevie Janowski: I’m just saying between this chin, and Maria’s titties, I can’t afford Christmas gifts for my kids, unfortunately.

Kenny Powers: You don’t have any money to buy your kids gifts?

Stevie Janowski: Yeah, I mis-calculated.

Kenny Powers: Man, you better chill with that Bob Cratchet bullsh*t.

Don’t be actin’ like you don’t get paid handsomely. That sh*t is gonna piss me off.

…Mt. Everest

Kenny Powers: Do I have any coke boogers up my nose?

Stevie Janowski: No.

Do I got any coke on my chin?

Kenny Powers: Yeah, dude. Your goddamn whole thing is covered in it.

It looks like the f*ckin’ tip of Mt. Everest.

…Sports Sesh Christmas special

Kenny Powers: Good day, everyone. Ratings are in the sh*tter.

We all knew that Guy Young’s racist diatribe was gonna hurt us all.

But as your new leader, I promise you that I will turn this f*ckin’ sinking ship around, with the help of a Sesh Christmas special.

Sound team – I’m gonna need you guys to cut together a symphony of farts. I need it to be hilarious, ok?

Casting – I’d like you to find me an array of young beautiful women to be my reindeer.

Wardrobes – I’d like you to create some reindeer suits with the titties cut out.

…HNIC

Kenny Powers: It was dope?

Really? Guy Young?

He’s a racist, Jimmy.

Being racist, it’s far from dope, dudes.

I defeated Guy Young, so that makes me the HNIC.

…Wilson’s leather

Kenny Powers: If anybody has any problems with that, well you can direct your inquiries to Billy, and or Trent.

Y’all want to f*ck with 2 dudes wearing Wilson’s leather black f*ckin’ coats?

None of you want to f*ck with this Wilson’s leather sh*t.

…joint accounts and family vehicles

April Powers: Kenny, you took all the money out of the joint account?

Kenny Powers: Nah, April. Jared did. Motherf*cker’s cray.

April Powers: Can he do that?

Lawyer: Mr. Powers is also the sole title holder on the family vehicles.

Kenny Powers: Nice work, Benjamin.

You better get used to walkin’, muchacha.

…little storybook divorce

Kenny Powers: What’s the matter, April?

Your little storybook divorce gettin’ all f*cked up?

April Powers: This isn’t fair, Kenny.

Kenny Powers: Oh, I know it’s not fair.

My legal dream team is long dickin’ you up the butt.

I’ll spend every penny I have to win this divorce, do you hear me?

April Powers: Can’t we just be adults about this? Think about the kids, Kenny.

Kenny Powers: Oh, I am thinkin’ about the kids.

I’m thinkin’ about how I’m gonna turn ’em against ‘ya.

Wait ’til Christmas. Then we’ll see who gets ’em the better presents.

…23rd

April Powers: I was thinking that you could celebrate with them on the 23rd.

Kenny Powers: The f*ckin’ 23rd?

April Powers: Yeah.

Kenny Powers: You selfish little trollop.

How dare you keep those children from me on Christmas morn.

Those children are gonna be devastated.