Chapter 23

…d*ck licker

Kenny Janowski: I want this kind, d*ck sucker!

Stevie Janowski: Little Kenny stop it, don’t call daddy names.

Kendra Janowski: D*ck licker! D*ck licker!

Stevie Janowski: Kendra, daddy does not lick d*cks.

Stevie Janowski: Kendall! Stop it!

(all of the kids calling him a d*ck licker)

Stevie Janowski: I’M NOT A D*CK LICKER!!!

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Kenny Powers: See kids, by putting this pool in, its gonna increase the property values of our home, protect our sh*t from the f*ckin’ sub-primes.

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…Django Unchained

Kenny Powers: Cause I quit my job.

I’m Django Unchained up in this motherf*cker, I signed my own freedom papers.

April Powers: What makes you think you can do this?

Kenny Powers: Uhh… Drugs.

And said drugs finally lifted a very confusing haze that’d been lingering over me for some time now.

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…turnin’ out lesbians

Kenny Powers: Be honest with yourself.

If this family was really happy, would I be havin’ dreams about cheating on you almost every single night?

April Powers: You have dreams of cheating on me?

Kenny Powers: I try to close my eyes and not take part in it, but it’s.. . I can’t!

Every single night I go to sleep and Toby’s teacher comes in, school bus driver comes in, both of them start f*ckin’ goin’ down on me.

The next thing I know the lesbian principal’s in there, and I’m f*ckin’ turnin’ her out too.

I don’t wanna do that sh*t, April.

The days of Kenny Powers turnin’ out lesbians are f*ckin’ behind ’em.

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…public spotlight

April Powers: Kenny, what is going on?

Kenny Powers: I can no longer hide from my stardom, okay?

Fame, fortune, adventure, what dreams may come? I gave all this sh*t up for you.

Now it’s time for you to return the favor.

I need you to support me in my efforts to step back into the public spotlight.

Can you do that?

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…bath salts

Kenny Powers: You got that bath salts, motherf*cker?

Guy Young: What?

Kenny Powers: I’m f*ckin’ playin’ dog… Hallucinogenics.

Guy Young: Oh.

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…Percocets wore off

Guy Young: You high?

Kenny Powers: Nope. Not anymore. Percocets just wore off.

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…get famous again

Kenny Powers: Guy, on the serious tip, I’m really glad me and you had this chance to reconnect.

The other night, all that dancing, all that f*ckin’ talking, super inspiring.

Had to f*ckin’ re-evaluate my whole deal, dog.

Guy Young: It was a fun night, Kenny. I’m glad you came out.

Kenny Powers: It really got me thinking. Perhaps, it is high time my sh*t gets famous again.

Guy Young: Oh.

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…family’s financial well-being

Kenny Powers: I even went so far as to f*ckin’ quit my bullsh*t 9 to 5.

Guy Young: Oh, wait a second. I didn’t… I didn’t tell you to quit your job, did I?

Kenny Powers: Hey, look. Don’t get weird.

It was in the sub-text. You basically did tell me to quit my job, but I don’t give a f*ck.

This is what I should do. You’ve finally f*ckin’ woken me up.

I mean, I put my whole entire family’s financial well-being on the line. I’m not gonna be able to f*ckin’ feed or clothe my children. That’s how serious I’m takin’ this fame bullsh*t.

I just need somebody to give me a shot.

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…co-host spot

Guy Young: I’m gonna get you a co-host spot on this Thursday’s show. What do you think about that?

Kenny Powers: Oooooh! What the f*ck does that mean?

What is that?

Guy Young: We can sit down next to the other guys and we can talk about sports on Sports Sesh.

Kenny Powers: Holy sh*t. Me on f*ckin’ TV?

Dude, I’ll guest host my ass off every single day if that’s what it takes.

Guy Young: Well, it’s just gonna be one show. So.. .

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