Chapter 20

…Reg Mackworthy urinal

Reg Mackworthy: Tight d*ck, playa.


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…given the opportunity

Kenny Powers: If given the opportunity, I won’t let us down either.


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…redeem myself as team leader

Kenny Powers: I don’t really see how I will redeem myself as team leader in front of everyone if I’m gonna be sittin’ on the bench.


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…unashamed Mermens

Kenny Powers: Mermen!

Watch out, watch your f*ckin’ foot.

Mermen! I come to you today unashamed. I’m unashamed Mermens.

Coach: Powers what the f*ck are you doin’?

Kenny Powers: This is my son. Who I’m now proud of. Check him out guys. My child. I have a f*ckin’ kid, yo. Look into his eyes you faggots. Look at em’.

I return to you from my sabbatical a changed man.

Coach: Sabbatical?

Kenny Powers: Hiatus, break, whatever you want to call it.

Coach: Nobody gave you permission to take a hiatus.

Kenny Powers: Cause I’m mature enough now to give my own self a hiatus. Now that I’m a changed man, and humbled, and ready to be a part of a team, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get back in the good graces of the Mermen.


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…orientals

Kenny Powers: Well, that wasn’t really necessary, being that you and I are even.

Ashley Schaeffer: That’s not exactly true, Mr. Powers. Your swashbuckling shenanigans cost me my new dealership.

The Kia representatives also did not appreciate the fact that we had a Japanese geisha, cause you know why? Cause they’re Korean.

I turns out that f*ckin’ orientals are highly sensitive. I never, I would have bet a million dollars that they were not a sensitive race of people.

Kenny Powers: I don’t give a f*ck about the sensitivity of orientals. I’m a father now.


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…second favorite ballplayer

Kenny Powers: What the f*ck are you doin’ in Myrtle?

Ashley Schaeffer: Oh, I’ve been comin’ here for black bike week for ten years now. And since we were in the area, we thought we’d stop by and say hello to my second favorite ballplayer.


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…hob knobs

Kenny Powers: Alright, well if you two f*ckin’ hob knobs are done laughin’ and gigglin’ I’ve got to feed this motherf*cker that is my son.

Ashley Schaeffer: I’m gonna have to push pause on the feeding. There’s somebody else that wants to say hello as well.


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…inside this infant

Ashley Schaeffer: Scott, pull your penis out and put it inside this infant.

Kenny Powers: I’ll f*ckin’ bite it off, Scott. Keep it in those pants.

Ashley Schaeffer: That’s what’s called a joke. Scott knew I was kidding as soon as I said it.


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…seven days

Reg Mackworthy: Black bike week, is a whole week. Monday, Tuesday.

Kenny Powers: Friday, Saturday, got it.

Reg Mackworthy: 168 hours.

Kenny Powers: I got it.

Reg Mackworthy: 1080 minutes.

Kenny Powers: Got it.

Ashley Schaeffer: Seven whole days. Not five days.

Kenny Powers: Oh, so you guys just got in town today?

Reg Mackworthy: I got here two days ago, but.

Kenny Powers: So you you’ve been here longer? You’re gonna be here longer.

Reg Mackworthy: Seven days from right now, ok?

Ashley Schaeffer: We’re not talking about a work week, five days. We’re talking seven day week.

Kenny Powers: Well, congratulations. I hope you got a f*ckin’ good weekly rate on a hotel room.

Reg Mackworthy: I didn’t!


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…telescope operator

Reg Mackworthy: You look sad, boy? Somebody take your lunch money?

Kenny Powers: No. But it does look like somebody took your eye.

Oh, yeah. Me.

Reg Mackworthy: f*ck you, Kenny Powers. You insensitive d*ckhead.

I see you got a team to pick you up, huh? Must be nice. My baseball days are over cause of you.

Kenny Powers: Well, maybe it’s high time you looked for another line of work. Maybe you could be a telescope operator.

Ashley Schaeffer: Fun and games, gentlemen.

Kenny Powers: Is this what this is all about? Is this why you wanted to come and f*ckin’ visit me in Myrtle Beach? Just to try and start a fight with me and Mackworthy?

Ashley Schaeffer: I don’t know. Maybe. Yes.


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