Chapter 2

…how the plague started

Kenny Powers: A stork wrapped around a tree branch. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen before. You know that’s how the plague started back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone’s backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.


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…disappointed with my own arm

Kenny Powers: I’m trying so hard not to be an *sshole to you guys, Ok? I’m just disappointed with my own arm, and how its trying to buttf*ck me back here.


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…handsome amount of money

Kenny Powers Audiobook: One time I was invited to come to a social gathering. I was paid a handsome amount of money, and I bought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray and showed those people the best f*cking time they’ve ever seen.


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…rich as hell

Kenny Powers Audiobook: The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it – making sh*tloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way in case one day you’re not famous you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.

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…lubing the deals

Kenny Powers: It seems to me an establishment such as this could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game. I’m talking about a real celebrity, not some sign spinning f*cking monkey. I’m talking about goddamn me in the store, live, un-cut, in person, bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.


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…practical game condition

Kenny Powers: I could stand to lose four, maybe five pounds to get back into practical game condition.

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…what drivers do

Kenny Powers: I need you to stay the whole time. That’s what drivers do. Drivers don’t drive you there and then drive off. If you’re gonna do this, you have to do it the full way. I might even need you to wear a uniform.


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…Kenny Powers rebel persona

Kenny Powers: No offense, but I kinda think the all black is more indicative of the Kenny Powers rebel persona.

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…smoke one for ’em

Kenny Powers: I throw one to him, next thing you know I’m at the grocery store, the bar, the titty club, and every dumb motherf*cker I pass is asking me to smoke one for ’em. I can’t open myself up to that.


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…Robocop

Kenny Powers: Why is there silver sh*t all over your face?

Clegg: I was hanging out with those dudes in the parking lot.

Kenny Powers: Doing what? Giving Robocop a blowjob?


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