…they got sluts in Tampa

Kenny Powers: Yeah, I’m sure they got sluts in Tampa. But I didn’t go there, wet puss. I went to Mexico on an epic, spiritual quest that ended in failure.

…I’ll get the door

Stevie Janowski: Don’t mind me, it’s just my f*cking house. I’ll get the f*cking door.

…strangled by a necklace of Mexicans

Kenny Powers: Just trust me — it’s better to be strangled by a necklace of Mexicans, than to be strangled by no one at all.

…blame foreigners like myself

Kenny Powers Audiobook: Chapter One Continued. More of what I was just saying.

Never in a million years would I imagine myself being in Mexico. After all, who would? Most Mexicans spend the bulk of their day just trying to get out, so you can hardly blame foreigners like myself for not thinkin’ about gettin’ in.

…lack of interest in real sports

Kenny Powers Audiobook: Oddly enough, the people here aren’t that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every f*ckin’ meal.

Buy a tee shirt similar to this famous Kenny Powers quote:

I Play Real Sports. I’m Not Trying To Be the Best at Exercising Shirt

In America People Hate Soccer Shirt

…Mexicans in the States

Kenny Powers Audiobook: Can’t help but notice how much they stick together too. I mean, when you see Mexicans in the States you think, ‘oh, there’s a group of Mexicans, doin’ Mexican things together’, but here you see that it’s not just because they talk the same language, and are all Catholic. Family means alot to these people. Relationships, husbands, wives, parents, all that sh*t.

…doing it for a girl

Kenny Powers Audiobook: Reminds me of why I’m here in the first place. A quest is nuthin’ if you got no one to brag about it to, will never reach the end if you’re only doing it for yourself. Me, I’m doing it for a girl I had to leave behind, just to get this far. Now I gotta go a little further to get back to her. All I can do is hope that one day she’ll understand, and when that day comes, it’s not too late.

…Chapter Nothing

Kenny Powers Audiobook: Chapter Nothing. The f*cking epilogue.

…clean up this goddamn jetski

Not if you don’t clean up this goddamn jetski so I can get the f*ck outta here. Come on, get back to it. I can’t go to goddam Myrtle Beach with the most disgusting jetski man has ever seen.

Buy a tee shirt similar to this famous Kenny Powers quote:

Kenny Powers on Panty Dropper Jet Ski

…beat the man

Kenny Powers: I learned alot down in Mexico. I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity’s sweet milk. That’s philosophy, April.